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The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living

by HH Dalai Lama & Howard C. Cutler

I rarely give a book a five out of five star rating - here are the ones that made the five star cut:

The Hobbit
1Q84
The Awakening of Malcom X
The Universal Christ
Extraterrestrial: The First Sign of Intelligent Life Beyond Earth

About 20% of the way through The Art of Happiness I knew that it was going to be added to my very short list of five star books. This one book has proven to be more transformational, empowering, or inspiring than perhaps any book I have ever read. Strong words of praise I know, but I believe it to be 100% warranted and accurate.

This was a difficult essay to write. I struggled with what to include and what not to include. If I focused on everything that stood out to me as impactful and relevant this essay would be a novel. Since I am already writing a novel, I do not have time to write another it took a concerted effort to boil this down to a more manageable size.

After much pondering, thinking, and meditating I believe that I have settled on the key aspects of this book that I want to share. So, without further ado let me begin...

The purpose of life​

The overarching purpose of our life is to be happy and to avoid suffering (which detracts from our happiness).

Everyone, and I mean everyone, already possess what they need to be happy - a mind.

If you want to be happy than you should seek out what brings you happiness. Part of this seeking is to identify the emotions that cause you unhappiness and suffering.

Now for instance, hatred, jealousy, anger, and so on are harmful. We consider them negative states of mind because they destroy our mental happiness; once you harbor feelings of hatred or ill feeling towards someone, once you yourself are filled by hatred or negative emotions, then other people appear to you as also hostile. So as a result there is more fear, greater inhibition and hesitation, and a sense of insecurity. These things develop, and also loneliness in the midst of a world perceived as hostile. All these negative feelings develop because of hatred.

As a recently de-constructed evangelical christian (aka exvangelical) perhaps one of the most striking aspects of this book was the Buddhist belief that we (humans) are basically good, gentle, happiness seeking, and that we possess an underlying nature that is free of negative emotions or thoughts (Buddha Nature). As a christian for 30 years I was taught and believed emphatically that I was a horrible sinner, that even my best intentions and actions were filthy rags. Buddhism's departure from this destructive doctrine was a breath of fresh air. When you believe that you are worthless and will only become worthy when you die and God lets you into heaven you spend your life immersed in shame, guilt, and fear. Christianity does not produce happiness - at least the brand that has lead to MAGA, Trumpism, christian-nationalism, moms for liberty, all lives matter bullshit, and the list could go on forever. People who identify as christian and claim to be happy I believe are truly not. Go ahead try and convince me otherwise in the comments below if you want. I have been an evangelical christian who volunteered for all manner of ministries and have spoken to hundreds (maybe thousands) of like minded followers of evangelical christianity over the course of three decades. Evangelical christians are not happy - they are angry, they are full of malice, judgement, guilt, shame, fear, dissension, and frustration.

Intimacy & Compassion​

Buddhists believe that all humans are endowed with the seed of compassion. Under the right conditions and with care and attention it can grow and help us live happier, more fulfilling lives. For me the best way to grow compassion has been to leave the church. I am sick and tired of having to explain that when I say that "I am a christian" it does not mean that I stubbornly adhere to and am devoted towards opinions and preconceived judgments against groups of people. That I am not fearful, distrustful, and deeply concerned about foreigners. That I am willing to grant equal freedom to everyone. That I am not overcome with a strong displeasure, threatening or violent state, actively expressed opposition or a deep seated ill will. That I try to be humble and not exhibit an attitude of superiority. That I approve of different ideas or opinions.

Once we conclude that the basic nature of humanity is compassionate rather than aggressive, our relationship to the world around us changes immediately. Seeing others as basically compassionate instead of hostile and selfish helps us relax, trust, live at ease. It makes us happier.

Suffering​

So, the purpose of this life is to seek happiness. We possess what we need to be happy. Using our mind to strive for compassion is the first step in unlocking happiness. But what causes suffering?

Pretty much all forms of suffering is caused by ignorance which is what greed and hatred stems from. Perhaps the only suffering I can think of that is not directly caused by ignorance and cannot be addressed by wisdom is disease. Sure we can live healthy lives abstaining from an unhealthy diet (one of the main reasons I am vegan), exercising, controlling what we come into contact with in our environment and day to day life. But with even the greatest care there is so much out of our control and eventually we will all die.

What is the opposite of these vices? Wisdom, generosity, and compassion.

When you are engaged in the practice of patience and tolerance, in reality, what is happening is you are engaged in a combat with hatred and anger. Since it is a situation of combat, you seek victory, but you also have to be prepared for the possibility of losing that battle. So while you are engaged in combat, you should not lose sight of the fact that in the process, you will confront many problems. You should have the ability to withstand these hardships. Someone who gains victory over hatred and anger through such an arduous process is a true hero.

We come into this world addicted to our misery, to our anger, to our unhappiness. Learning to let go of this innate desire is the key to living a happy life.

Overcoming​

What about when something out of our control happens - a mass shooting, the death of family member, or a bad prognosis from our doctor for example?

The Buddhist acceptance of impermanence - that everything is in a constant state of change helps us to develop a pliant mind. As the waves of trauma, pain, and suffering batter us if we have a pliant mind we can maintain a positive outlook.

We are not alone in our suffering. Horrible things happen to everyone. This world sucks sometimes.

Anthony De Mello in his book "Awareness" said:

I have often said to people that the way to really live is to die. The passport to living is to imagine yourself in your grave. Imagine that you are lying flat in your coffin and you are dead. See the body decomposing, then the bones, then it all turning to dust. Now look at your problems from that viewpoint. Changes everything, doesn’t it?

I have experienced quite a lot of trauma in my life. Two deployments to Iraq (2003) and Afghanistan (2010). I experienced too many atrocities while over there that have haunted me for decades. Then there was generational trauma in my family. My mother suffered from mental illness my entire childhood. My parents were involved in several cults. Then there is the issue of the indoctrination of the evangelical church.

If one comes across a person who has been shot by an arrow, one does not spend time wondering about where the arrow came from, or the caste of the individual who shot it, or analyzing what type of wood the shaft is made of, or the manner in which the arrowhead was fashioned. Rather, one should focus on immediately pulling out the arrow. — Shakyamuni, the Buddha

I can focus on where I have been, who shot the arrow and why. Or I can recognize the arrow's impact on my life and then move on and focus on where I am going and where I want to be.

The Art of Happiness A Handbook for Living by HH Dalai Lama & Howard C. Cutler has empowered me to cast aside my pain, anger, resentment, and fear and instead shown me how to become who I have always wanted to be - happy, compassionate, wise, and generous.