Fu?k Suicide
Three years ago today my mother died by suicide. She climbed into the bath tub with a gun and ended her life. Her death and the ensuing carnage mostly wrought by "christians" afterwards sent me on a path of deconstruction and disentangling my life from the brainwashing I had undergone for decades within the church.
In early 2020 I began to become more and more concerned about so called "christians" response to the pandemic. Then on October 26th I got the call that my mother was no longer alive. The year that I thought could not get any worse, in an instant, got a whole hell of a lot worse.
So, what am I going to do on the anniversary of my mother's death? I could share a funny story about her, or maybe a fond memory. While I do have those things to share I am still raw and processing through my parents involvement in cults growing up. I don't really feel like trying to put a positive spin on a shitty story... My mother struggled with mental illness for as long as I can remember. I remember her locking us outside all day and feeding us lunch through a window. I remember her laying in the bathtub all day and not coming out. I remember her trying to kill herself twice when I was 16. I remember the fights my mom and dad had. I remember finding out about the multiple affairs my dad had over a period of thirteen years. I remember my mom telling me that she would not care if I died. I remember getting dozens and dozens of spanks a week. Because of this I learned to repress my emotions. They weren't safe and only got me in trouble. I remember thinking that I was ugly and that there was no way a G_d could make someone as ugly as me and be a loving being.
November of 2021 my family and I moved into our new home. It was the first home my wife and I owned, up until that point we had rented. A few short weeks after moving in we came to discover that there were several target shooting ranges setup in some of our neighbors backyards. Now this wasn't someone going out to plink a few cans with a .22. This was hours and hours of heavy gun fire sometimes from semi-automatic and fully automatic (machine guns) weapons. Apparently in the state of Connecticut one can target shoot in their backyard with zero precautions taken, oversight, regulations, or laws. There are no caliber restrictions and even though semi-auto and full auto guns are illegal in the state that doesn't stop anyone from modifying their guns to shoot semi-auto or full auto and then deploy them in their back yards. As time went on more and more ranges started cropping up. Currently there are six in my small neighborhood of 63 homes with an average lot size of 3.1 acres. There is another one currently in the process of being built (once they clear some land of the trees), which will be thirty (30) feet from my land!
The police stated that since the ranges were more than 500' from my home that there was nothing they could do and that technically the city considered the range "safe". I told the officer that the ranges were less than 500' from my property to which the officer just shrugged his shoulders.
Then today I woke up to the news of the mass shooting in Maine. What a way to start a day, and a day that is already pretty fu?ked already...
While folks are busy trying to ban assault rifles gun manufacturers are coming up with new weapon designs that are far more dangerous than an assault rifle and are classified differently so that they can circumnavigate the state and local laws banning certain types of guns. Our children are dying, our neighborhoods are being ravaged by violence, families are being torn apart, and anger and hatred are bubbling over all around our country. Meanwhile CEO's are getting richer, gun companies are bribing our politicians for protection, we are destroying our planet - and what are christians doing? They are sending their thoughts and prayers. We all know what that means - they are doing fu?king-jack-diddly-squat (aka nothing). They profess to follow Jesus but do nothing to help the least of these.
Well I refuse to stand by and do nothing. I will do something, even if what I am doing is really not much in the grand scheme of things. I joined Moms Demand Action and Connecticut Against Gun Violence (CAGV). I have written dozens of letters of advocacy. I have volunteered at events in my community to help spread information about commonsense gun laws. I do not eat meat and procure my food products from ethical sources (organic, local, certified humane, bio-dynamic, etc...). What does the last thing have to do with violence in my communities and country you might ask?
To be clear I do not wish to see all guns removed from society. I know there are common sense gun owners out there - I have spoken to them, I know them. I am a member of the Backcountry Hunters Alliance. I do not hunt but I do fish and I support their conservation efforts. There are gun owners in my community who are appalled at the lack of regulations and laws governing the deployment of firearms on private property. There are gun owners who keep their guns under lock and key. There are gun owners who view their guns as tools, not toys. Sadly there are too many who do not though and as a result our communities and country are ravaged monthly, weekly, daily, and hourly by guns.
When will enough be enough? When will enough people start to care? When will so called "christians" decide that all life not just unborn life matters?